Frequently asked Questions – Something with Mediation, episode 91

In this special episode of “Something with Mediation,” mediator Nadav Nishri answers frequently asked questions about divorce. Nadav describes in detail why divorce is one of the most complex emotional and practical challenges a couple can experience. During this time of dramatic change, turbulent emotions and high level of stress can lead to hasty decisions and undesirable outcomes that will affect everyone involved for years to come. However, there is a better way to handle the divorce process – one that is respectful of both parties and leads to more positive long-term outcomes.

In the episode, Nadav shares that mediation is much more than a source of income for him – it is a true mission. His main goal is to provide knowledge, tools and support to people going through the difficult divorce process. He believes with all his heart that the crisis can be transformed from a place of pain, difficulty and fear into a place of growth and personal development. After a period of adjustment, couples who have gone through divorce will be able to reach a better state, where they are able to communicate in a healthier way, cooperate in raising their children together, and even find renewed happiness in their personal lives. This is a challenging task, but in his eyes, it is one of paramount importance.

Nadav also talks in the episode about one of the most common and harmful mistakes in the divorce process, which is the attempt to offer a unilateral agreement to the other spouse. Nadav explains in detail why this approach is problematic and may lead to destructive results. First, there is often a significant gap in emotional maturity between the spouses. The party initiating the divorce has already gone through a long mental and emotional process, sometimes lasting months or even years. He has come to the conclusion that divorce is the right solution for him and is, therefore, mentally prepared for the next step. On the other hand, the other party may be completely surprised by the proposal, or at the very least, mentally unprepared to deal with the new reality.

Second, presenting a ready-made agreement may create a sense of coercion and unfairness in the other party. Even if the agreement seems fair from the perspective of the proposing party, the other party may feel cornered and forced to make fateful decisions under pressure. This feeling can lead to automatic resistance, even if the agreement itself is reasonable.

Additionally, there is an inherent imbalance in this situation. Each party may receive different legal advice, emphasizing only their own interests. When both parties come with extreme and opposing positions, this can lead to extreme disagreements and the situation escalating into a costly legal battle.

Instead of presenting a one-sided agreement, Nadav strongly recommends a more balanced and respectful approach. He emphasizes the importance of a mediation process, in which both parties work together with a professional and unbiassed mediator to reach agreements. Mediation allows both parties to express their desires, concerns, and needs in a safe and supportive environment.

At the same time, Nadav also recommends family or couples’ therapy. Even if the couple has decided to divorce, professional therapy can help improve communication and mutual understanding. This is especially important when there are children involved, as the parents will need to continue communicating and cooperating in raising the children, even after the divorce.

It is important to remember that divorce is a process, not a one-time event. Therefore, Nadav emphasizes the importance of a gradual process, allowing both parties to go through the emotional process required at their own pace. This can include a trial separation period, or simply time to digest the new situation before making final decisions.

A proper divorce requires patience, understanding, and a balanced process. By adopting a mediation and professional treatment approach, the pain and difficulty involved in the process can be significantly reduced and a better outcome can be achieved for all parties involved, especially the children.

Nadav reminds us that the ultimate goal of mediation is to shorten the painful part of the process as much as possible and to get to the constructive part of the process as quickly as possible. With the right guidance, professional support and goodwill on both sides, it is possible to transform the divorce experience from an ongoing trauma into an opportunity for growth, renewal and turning a new page in life.