What Is the New Partnership Method for Divorce Mediation?
Episode 99 of the podcast "Something with Mediation"
The New Partnership method is a structured approach to divorce mediation that is built around one central idea: creating a clear, stable and functional future. It does not attempt to simplify the complexity of divorce, nor does it ignore the emotional weight of the process. Instead, it provides a framework that allows people to move through that complexity in a way that leads to clarity, understanding and practical decisions that can actually work in real life.
At its core, the method is based on a shift in focus. Rather than getting stuck in explanations of the past or in attempts to define what happened, the process is directed toward building what comes next. This does not mean that the past is dismissed or ignored. It means that decisions are not dependent on resolving every disagreement about what happened, but on understanding what needs to be created going forward. This distinction may seem subtle, but in practice it changes the entire direction of the conversation and the quality of the decisions that follow.
One of the main advantages of the New Partnership method is the structure it provides in a situation that often feels unstructured and overwhelming. Divorce involves multiple layers of decisions, all of which are interconnected. Questions about children, living arrangements, finances and daily life cannot be addressed in isolation.
When these issues are approached without a clear framework, people tend to move back and forth between topics, react emotionally, and lose sight of the bigger picture. The method introduces an organized way of working, where each subject is explored in the right context, with enough depth, and in connection to the overall structure of the future that is being built.
Building Clarity Through Structure
This structured approach creates clarity. Instead of feeling pulled in different directions, each step becomes part of a coherent process. Decisions are not made randomly or under pressure, but as part of a sequence that makes sense. This reduces uncertainty and allows both sides to understand not only what is being decided, but why it is being decided in a particular way. Over time, this clarity becomes one of the most stabilizing elements of the process.
Another central advantage of the method is its ability to support long-term stability, particularly in situations where there are children involved. When children are part of the picture, the relationship between the parents does not end. It changes form. This is one of the realities that makes divorce fundamentally different from other types of disputes. The New Partnership method recognizes this reality and works with it directly, helping parents move from a relationship that is ending into a relationship that continues in a different structure.
This means that the focus is not only on immediate agreements, but also on how the relationship will function over time. How will decisions be made in the future, how will changes be handled, and how will communication continue when new situations arise. These are not abstract questions. They are practical aspects of everyday life that, if left undefined, often become sources of renewed conflict. By addressing them as part of the process, the method creates a framework that can adapt and evolve.
Stability as an Ongoing Process
The result is not only an agreement, but a working system. This system allows both sides to continue operating in a coordinated way, even when circumstances change. Instead of returning to conflict every time a new issue emerges, there is already a structure in place that makes it possible to address it constructively. This is one of the key reasons why the outcomes of this method tend to remain relevant over time.
The process also creates conditions that make it possible to think more clearly during a period that is often defined by stress. Divorce is not only a legal or logistical process. It is also an emotional transition that can affect the way people perceive situations, process information and make decisions. High emotional intensity tends to narrow perspective.
It limits the ability to consider alternatives and often leads to decisions that are driven by immediate reactions rather than long-term thinking.
The New Partnership method does not attempt to eliminate emotion, nor does it treat it as something that needs to be suppressed. Instead, it creates a setting in which conversations can take place in a more balanced and manageable way. The structure of the process, the pacing of the discussions and the way topics are addressed all contribute to reducing emotional pressure. As a result, it becomes possible to examine situations from different angles, to consider options that were not visible before, and to reach conclusions that are more aligned with long-term goals.
Creating Conditions for Better Decisions
When emotional pressure is reduced, decision-making improves. People are able to listen more carefully, to articulate their thoughts more clearly and to engage with the process in a more constructive way. This does not mean that disagreements disappear. It means that disagreements can be addressed in a way that leads somewhere. Over time, this changes not only the decisions themselves, but also the experience of the process.
An additional advantage of the method is the improvement in communication that takes place during the process. Many conflicts are sustained not only by differences in perspective, but by the way those differences are expressed and understood. When communication breaks down, even simple issues can become complex. Misunderstandings accumulate, assumptions replace direct conversation, and reactions become more automatic.
The structured dialogue that is created within the New Partnership method allows each side to articulate their position in a clearer and more organized way. At the same time, it creates space for listening in a way that is often not possible outside of a structured process. Over time, this leads to a different quality of interaction. Conversations become more focused, misunderstandings decrease, and it becomes easier to move from reaction to understanding.
Communication That Continues Beyond the Process
This improvement in communication does not end when the mediation ends. It becomes part of the way the relationship continues to function. This is particularly important in long-term parenting situations, where ongoing communication is unavoidable. The ability to speak, to listen and to resolve issues constructively becomes one of the most valuable outcomes of the process.
The agreements that emerge from this method tend to be more practical and more durable, precisely because they are built in a structured and thoughtful way. Rather than being the result of urgency or external pressure, they are the result of a process that takes into account real-life conditions. Different scenarios are considered, possible changes are anticipated, and details are examined in context rather than in isolation.
This leads to agreements that are not only clear, but also usable. They can be implemented without constant reinterpretation. They provide guidance in situations that were discussed and in situations that may arise later. As circumstances change, the agreements remain relevant because they were built with flexibility in mind.
From Agreement to Ongoing Structure
Beyond the agreements themselves, the New Partnership method creates a framework for handling future situations. It defines how decisions can be made, how disagreements can be addressed and how communication can continue in a way that supports stability rather than undermines it. In this sense, the value of the process extends beyond the immediate outcome and becomes part of the way the relationship continues to function.
Another important aspect of the method is the sense of ownership it creates. Because both sides are actively involved in building the structure of their future, the outcome is not something that feels imposed or external. It becomes something that both sides understand, recognize and can work with. This sense of ownership increases the likelihood that agreements will be respected and maintained over time.
The method is also flexible enough to adapt to different types of situations. Each family has its own dynamics, and each separation has its own context. Some situations are relatively straightforward, while others involve more complex structures, including international elements, financial considerations or unique family dynamics. The New Partnership method maintains a consistent structure, while allowing enough flexibility to adjust to these different realities.
A Practical Framework for Real Life
What makes the method particularly effective is its connection to real life. The discussions are not theoretical, and the decisions are not abstract. They are grounded in the actual conditions in which people live. This includes daily routines, logistical constraints, emotional realities and long-term considerations. By staying connected to real life, the process produces outcomes that can actually function in practice.
Over time, this practical orientation builds confidence. Instead of feeling uncertain about how things will work after the process ends, people leave with a clearer sense of direction. They understand not only what has been decided, but also how to continue making decisions in a way that supports stability.
What emerges from this approach is not only a set of decisions, but a different way of organizing the future. The process allows people to move forward with a clearer understanding of what they are building, how they are building it and how they will continue to manage it over time. It provides a level of stability that does not depend on perfect agreement, but on a shared structure that can support ongoing cooperation.
The New Partnership method offers a way to approach divorce that is deliberate, structured and forward-looking. It does not remove the difficulty of the process, but it changes the way that difficulty is handled. Through clarity, structure and communication, it becomes possible to create outcomes that are not only workable, but sustainable over time.
Frequently Asked Questions About the New Partnership Method for Divorce Mediation
The New Partnership method is a structured approach to mediation that focuses on building a clear and stable future after separation. Instead of concentrating on past conflicts, it helps couples create a practical framework for decision-making, communication and long-term cooperation, especially when children are involved.
The method is built around a future-oriented perspective. It focuses on defining goals, creating structure and building agreements that work over time. The emphasis is on clarity, stability and practical solutions that can be implemented in real life, rather than on resolving every disagreement about the past.
Yes. In fact, it is particularly relevant in situations where children are involved. The method helps parents build a structured form of cooperation that supports ongoing decision-making, communication and stability. It recognizes that while the couple relationship ends, the parenting relationship continues.
Yes. The method is designed to work within complex and emotionally charged situations. It provides a structured process that allows both sides to express their perspectives, understand the issues more clearly and move toward decisions that are based on practical considerations and future needs.
No. The process does not depend on reaching agreement about the past. Instead, it focuses on creating clarity about the future. Decisions are made based on what needs to be built going forward, rather than on resolving every disagreement about previous events.
The process addresses a wide range of issues, including parenting arrangements, living situations, financial responsibilities and daily routines. These decisions are approached in a structured way, allowing each topic to be examined in context and in relation to the overall framework of the future.
The mediator manages the process and maintains a structured and balanced conversation. The role is not to decide for the couple, but to guide the discussion, clarify issues and help both sides move toward workable solutions that they can agree on and implement.
Yes. Because the agreements are built through a structured and thoughtful process, they tend to be more practical and adaptable. They take into account real-life conditions and future scenarios, which makes them easier to implement and more likely to remain relevant as circumstances change.
In addition to the agreements themselves, the process creates a framework for future communication and decision-making. This allows both sides to continue managing new situations in a structured way, reducing the likelihood of ongoing conflict.
Yes. The method is flexible and can be adapted to different cultural and legal contexts. It provides a clear and structured process that can support couples dealing with cross-border situations, language differences or unfamiliar legal environments.
Full episode transcript
(0:00) Something with mediation.
(0:02) This is a a very special episode for me because this is my first time doing a podcast in English.
(0:09) And with me is Anat Barcella, which is a mediator also.
(0:15) And my name is Nadav Nisshui.
(0:17) I’m also a mediator.
(0:19) We are both former Israel.
(0:22) We are divorced mediators and and civil mediation mediators.
(0:27) And, this is this small mistake is a is is is making me safe from the start thus to to make it, that everybody will understand this is my first time.
(0:41) On the table.
(0:41) Put it on the table.
(0:43) I will make mistakes, but it’s very important for us to do this podcast in English.
(0:51) We got a lot a lot of other episodes in in Hebrew.
(0:55) But since we are got a lot of people that are coming to us from Europe and The United States and and people in Israel that speak English, we wanted to do this episode in English so we can explain what is mediation with what is the new partnership.
(1:16) Mediation is a method that we work with.
(1:21) And maybe some answers, some questions that, people asking us asking us a lot of the times and make all this process, the the divorce process, the the big crisis in the family life easier and even if we what we are looking for to make it a a jump start for the future, for a better future.
(1:48) So this was the introduction.
(1:50) And that you wanna say something for a how how how did you became how did you became an an mediator?
(1:58) You know what?
(1:58) I I was I was let let me start with that.
(2:02) So I’ve been working for many years with people in different life situations.
(2:10) Mhmm.
(2:10) I’ve been working a lot with refugees and people in the margins of our society here.
(2:18) And I think during COVID time first of all, I’m separated.
(2:24) I’m divorced myself.
(2:26) And I have been through the process myself.
(2:28) And COVID time has given me some time to think about what’s how can I bring all the skills and all this working with people that I’ve been doing for so many years to bring new aspect to it and to bring all my experience to something that is it’s maybe weird to say but it’s positive?
(2:52) It’s positive.
(2:53) Why is it weird to say?
(2:55) Because when people think about divorce, they think, oh my god.
(2:58) This is the worst thing that has ever happened to us.
(3:00) The worst thing that will happen to our kids and the worst thing, you know, breaking a family up and and what are we doing and how are we gonna go through this.
(3:08) And my experience shows and I think many other people also, their experience shows that it can be a at the end of the day, also a good thing.
(3:19) It’s a new beginning.
(3:21) It’s not necessarily a bad thing.
(3:22) It’s it’s a process.
(3:23) Like you said, it’s it’s a new beginning.
(3:26) And that’s why I think, you know, I I just was looking for, you know, doing something good but in a different in a different way.
(3:35) So why does it mediation?
(3:38) I remember doing kinda reading on your websites and kinda, you know, we met.
(3:42) I remember a few times and we discussed what you were doing and it was fascinating to me.
(3:47) And I did the basic course, the basic mediating mediation course and it just felt so right, you know.
(3:55) This if you have people skill, then that’s the thing to do is to take the people skill and help people put their lives, you know, that seem to be in chaos to to help them get control, regain con control over their lives and their future and the future of their children.
(4:14) And it just it just clicked.
(4:16) Okay.
(4:17) It just clicked.
(4:17) And then you did the basic course and then you came to be to the expert course.
(4:22) Exactly.
(4:23) And then we did a practicum.
(4:26) And yeah.
(4:27) And since then, a lot of water has been in the Jordan.
(4:30) Yes.
(4:30) Of course, didn’t you you made a lot of, mediations, helped a lot of couples, helped helped a lot of kids.
(4:38) It’s one thing most important.
(4:40) I think that’s the thing that, you know and that’s that’s what we’re saying also to the to the people that come for mediation is that what they’re doing is good for themselves, but it’s also the best thing for their children and for the future know, we say, we did a divorce don’t hurt children.
(4:59) The way you do the divorce can ex can really hurt the children.
(5:03) Yes.
(5:03) So what we are trying to say to do, what we are doing is to help the family, help the parents be not to manage the the the stress, to manage the crisis.
(5:14) Crisis.
(5:15) Take control.
(5:16) Gain control of it of the crisis.
(5:17) Don’t give it up.
(5:18) Don’t let other people do it.
(5:20) You do it yourself without Turn it into an opportunity.
(5:23) Exactly.
(5:24) It’s it’s turn it from a crisis to an opportunity.
(5:27) And how how would you do it?
(5:30) What is the the when when people are meeting us Mhmm.
(5:34) How does it start?
(5:37) So I think the first thing is the transparency, you know.
(5:40) We they know what they’re going what is going to happen.
(5:44) Mhmm.
(5:45) They come and we explain to them what is going to happen.
(5:49) And at the end of the day, we’re sitting in the room as facilitators.
(5:55) And the whole process is is them talking between themselves.
(5:59) And it can be very intense and it can be very it can be pleasant even and it can be very intense at times.
(6:06) Mhmm.
(6:06) But they’re talking.
(6:08) They’re talking.
(6:08) They’re talking to each other.
(6:10) You know what I love about this?
(6:12) Because as I said, it’s it’s gonna be very stressful.
(6:15) Mhmm.
(6:15) We are sitting here with somebody I used to love.
(6:19) But I’m and and I and I wanna be as far as I can from here.
(6:24) But now, since we got kids, we need to talk about the future, and it’s really, really hard.
(6:30) But I keep reminding them I keep reminding them that in the end, after we’ll we will finish and we will finish, they can look at they they will be able able to look at the at the past with a lot of proud.
(6:49) Mhmm.
(6:50) Because they took the biggest conflict in life, the biggest the biggest crisis, and they made it their own.
(6:58) They made it by their self.
(7:00) We were just there to help them do it.
(7:03) To facilitate.
(7:04) To facilitate.
(7:05) To see what is right for them.
(7:07) Maybe to offer them because we’ve been through a lot.
(7:10) So we know, maybe you can do this, maybe you can do this.
(7:12) But in the end, this is your process.
(7:15) Yeah.
(7:15) And since it’s yours, you can be very, very proud.
(7:18) And it’s a great model for the kids.
(7:21) It’s a great model for yourself, for the for the environment, for the family, for the friends that I didn’t give up on being a parent.
(7:31) I made myself a better parent A better parent.
(7:34) Because I manage everything.
(7:36) And this is what we are doing.
(7:37) And I think even more so, think that when once they cross this bridge Mhmm.
(7:43) The bridge of of the process of mediation and they get to the end of it, they’re able to pass any other crisis they might have as as parents I also believe together.
(7:56) Together.
(7:57) Even if they have differences of opinion, even if, you know, disagreement on certain issues, they’ve done the process of of discussion.
(8:05) They’ve they managed to have a conversation even though they might be hating each other at that moment, even though they can’t bear each other’s presence at the moment at that moment.
(8:16) And I think it even helps them to be to be able to be close again later.
(8:22) Not all of them.
(8:23) Some of them may stay It’s very business like and only communicate about child issues, you know, child related issues.
(8:32) But it gives some kind of a some sort of quiet and I think it gives the confidence that they will manage Yeah.
(8:40) Together what anything that has to do with the new family arrangement.
(8:45) Okay.
(8:46) That’s I love our job.
(8:48) We got a great we are doing great.
(8:51) I wanna explain to the to to the audience or the to the audience, sorry, what we are doing.
(8:57) What is the new partnership mediation?
(9:00) Well, mediation, as people know, is a system that a mediator helps people to go to to to find solutions.
(9:09) Now, in our method, we don’t help you find.
(9:14) We don’t fight it for you.
(9:15) We help you find it.
(9:16) How we are doing it?
(9:18) First, we are looking at the future.
(9:20) We are keep all the time looking at the future.
(9:23) First of all, because it’s easier to look at the future than to to look at the past.
(9:29) The other thing is that when you look at the future, you can imagine what you want what what you want from life.
(9:37) What is more important for you?
(9:39) How do you look in the future with your kids, with your family, with your friends, with your work?
(9:46) What will make you happy?
(9:48) What will make you satisfied?
(9:51) What will make you live a life to remember?
(9:54) Exactly like that.
(9:55) And it’s something strange because when you are in the middle of the crisis, usually, you look just on on the floor on what is nearby.
(10:04) And we are asking and helping you to look to the future.
(10:08) What you want in the future to be?
(10:10) And when both of the parents are doing this method and looking for the to the future, they can see that they want the same things.
(10:20) They want the the kids to have a good life.
(10:24) They want security.
(10:26) They want to be they want stability.
(10:29) They want to be happy.
(10:31) And after we we we help them say and put on the table on the table what is most important to them, We’re starting to find the solutions to make it happen.
(10:43) Mhmm.
(10:44) And then we’re starting to drill down in all the aspects of the of the of the family life.
(10:50) It’s gonna be economic.
(10:52) It’s gonna be times with the kids, holidays, sickness days, war if we’re in Israel, and everything that can happen, health in health, geography, where we live, when we study, where everything is going to be, and we help them to answer all the questions that can be in the lifetime until the kids will grow up and even if even after that.
(11:20) And after we are answer we are helping we are helping them answer all the questions, We are making them an agreement.
(11:28) Now, this agreement, I see you wanna say something.
(11:30) Because I wanna say that it’s not only that we’re looking at everything that we can expect Mhmm.
(11:36) Because we’ll we were looking at all the possibilities.
(11:39) And I think part of our role as mediators is to ask the difficult to make it difficult in the sense of asking what if.
(11:48) What if.
(11:48) So what if this happened?
(11:49) What if that happens?
(11:51) What would be if?
(11:52) Yeah.
(11:52) And and try to bring up all the possibilities and options that maybe the couple even is not thinking about.
(11:57) And, know, I’ve had couples that who said, well, no.
(12:01) But we know that that’s not we know that we’re gonna we’re gonna solve it.
(12:04) Don’t worry.
(12:04) We’re gonna solve it.
(12:05) And I’m like, no.
(12:06) We have to think about the solutions now.
(12:09) We don’t wanna, you know, we don’t want to leave it in the air.
(12:13) Yeah.
(12:13) But we’re also looking at how to solve things that we don’t know are going to happen.
(12:19) Because we know that, you know, you can’t put everything in the agreement.
(12:23) Life is can be unexpected, and it’s very dynamic.
(12:27) So we don’t just tell you that look.
(12:30) You got to choose what to do in this situation and just make up.
(12:35) We we know things that can be those things that will be with other family members, with spouse, your spouses.
(12:43) We’re also talking about how are you going to deal with situations that you we cannot expect.
(12:48) Exactly.
(12:48) What are you gonna do if a situation arise that we we’re not thinking about now?
(12:53) And and I think this is this is something that is very unique because I don’t you know, when I I I read, I don’t know, posts of people who’ve been divorced and who got divorced through the court or through other mediators, they don’t have this mechanism of how to solve problems that you could not expect.
(13:16) And people, you know, they have an agreement for five years, a divorce agreement.
(13:21) And then something happens and they’re like, what do we do now?
(13:23) How do we solve this?
(13:24) We see things very differently.
(13:26) What are we what are we gonna do?
(13:27) Should we go back to the court?
(13:28) Should we and I think this is something that is unique is that we look also at how to solve in the future situation that we could not expect during the mediation.
(13:38) Yeah.
(13:38) That’s neat.
(13:39) I wanna say from that that our purpose is not the agreement.
(13:45) Mhmm.
(13:45) The agreement is just a piece of paper.
(13:48) What we are looking for is a method, a system that will make the parents work good together.
(13:58) That they can take the agreement and it’s important and the import the the agreement must be spelled right and written right and everything will gotta be closed to the to to to to the inch.
(14:09) The finest details.
(14:10) The finest finest details.
(14:13) But after that, after he was getting the the court stamp, the court approval, the the best thing for the agreement is to go to the lowest Mhmm.
(14:24) Drawer and stay there.
(14:27) Because if the parents and when the parents, they made a good process together, It made them be able to work as partners, new partners.
(14:37) Now, not spouses.
(14:38) Now, we are partners.
(14:40) Parenting partners And in then, if there is something wrong, we know what to do because from the start, we know we are looking for the best for the for our kids, for our our self.
(14:53) And we know that there is not a situation that one of the parents will have a good life and the other parents will have a bad life.
(15:00) That doesn’t work.
(15:01) Life should be good for both parents and for the kids.
(15:06) And when they understand this and when they understand that from this big crisis, it’s a big crisis.
(15:13) Big crisis.
(15:13) And they know now, they solve these these problems together.
(15:18) They understand they really got a good partner Yeah.
(15:22) For the future.
(15:23) And the future doesn’t mean to be as same as the as the past.
(15:26) Well, this is the past.
(15:28) We’ve been we we were where where we were.
(15:30) We we’ve been where we’ve been.
(15:31) But now we are new people.
(15:33) We grow from that.
(15:35) And Exactly.
(15:36) This is our this is all for all the process, this is what we are thinking.
(15:40) This is what we are saying.
(15:41) This this is what we are helping the people to see, which is very different from people that going to to the court Mhmm.
(15:49) Fed over when the other people are telling you what to do with your life, with your kids, which is for me, it’s it’s it’s it’s it’s not reasonable.
(16:02) It’s not reasonable and it’s a complete I think it’s a feeling of, you know, that you lose control.
(16:07) You lose life.
(16:09) And over the life of your children.
(16:13) And I know people who’ve been divorced through the courts and it took them so long to to recover from the process Yeah.
(16:25) And to be able to communicate with one another on daily issues, you know, that that are And that’s the best life with the kids.
(16:34) They are in the house.
(16:35) You can manage them.
(16:36) You can be a better parent.
(16:39) And instead, people are going to court, gave up, letting lawyers do do their job.
(16:45) You know, I studied law Yeah.
(16:47) For four years.
(16:49) And there was not I’m not a lawyer.
(16:51) When I got a degree, I I didn’t wanna be a lawyer.
(16:54) I understood from the start, this is not for me.
(16:55) I’m looking for something else.
(16:57) And it’s keep it’s incredible for me that there isn’t even one class, just one class about kids Mhmm.
(17:06) About emotions.
(17:07) And we know that divorce is about emotions.
(17:10) It’s about Emotions.
(17:11) For the kids.
(17:12) Their property is is very simple.
(17:14) The money is simple.
(17:16) But when you understand that everything that you will do will will have an immediate effect on your kids and on your well-being, this is not something that is that the law the law is is is is dealing with.
(17:29) Exactly.
(17:30) The law doesn’t take this into account.
(17:32) The law looks at the numbers.
(17:33) The law looks at what are the practices and that’s it.
(17:39) That’s it.
(17:39) But I think that takes me back to what you said before that in this process we’re looking at the future that the our main focus is the future.
(17:48) At the same time, this process, I think because there is a a discourse, because there is conversation, and like you said, it can be very intense.
(17:57) It can be very intense.
(17:59) But while looking at the future, it’s inevitable that things from the past will come up.
(18:05) Mhmm.
(18:05) And, you know, we’re not we’re not therapists.
(18:09) It’s not a couples therapy.
(18:11) It’s very different from couples therapy.
(18:14) But it does give the space.
(18:16) I think the mediation process gives the space for the couples to process the past.
(18:21) So we’re looking at the future, but at the same time, it allows us to process the past.
(18:25) Yeah.
(18:25) If you can see, this podcast is also on video.
(18:29) Mhmm.
(18:29) And we are filming it and recording it in my mediation room.
(18:33) Mhmm.
(18:33) And you can see in the in the video that it’s a very nice room.
(18:38) It’s very Cozy.
(18:40) Cozy and it’s comfortable and with a lot of hair and sunshine because we want the the the the atmosphere to be like that that will be you will have you will feel comfortable Yeah.
(18:54) To talk, to to to talk about the things that is bothering you.
(18:58) And if there is something that you wanna say, you can say it and you will have the opportunity to to to make the other side understand you.
(19:06) Mhmm.
(19:06) Because when we understand, then we can understand.
(19:09) From that, we can build out the the the understanding.
(19:13) If we understand if you are listening, we can make the understanding.
(19:16) A shared understanding.
(19:18) And it doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to agree on everything.
(19:21) No.
(19:21) Exactly.
(19:21) That’s why I’m saying it’s not a it’s not a couples therapy where, you know, we have to come to terms with with one another and and forgive or forget.
(19:32) But it allows us to okay.
(19:34) We put things on the table.
(19:36) I heard you.
(19:37) I acknowledge what you said and you acknowledge what I said and how I feel.
(19:42) And now we can move forward.
(19:44) Now we can look at the future.
(19:45) Exactly.
(19:46) Because we we we know we understand each other.
(19:48) Yep.
(19:48) And now we can we can build the future.
(19:51) And this is, you know, this room, I it’s very important for people that in a crisis not to make any decisions.
(19:59) Because when people are in a crisis and the stress is very high, the decision that we are making, they are not the best for us.
(20:05) True.
(20:06) Maybe they will it’s the same decision that we can make, but if we are doing them in stress, there will always be a sign that maybe we did something wrong.
(20:16) We feel pressure.
(20:18) Yeah.
(20:18) And the exactly the question mark.
(20:20) So what we are doing here is to take the stress down, build a safe safe place.
(20:26) The mediation room is a safe place that everything that you say is is here.
(20:30) You they can take it out.
(20:32) Yeah.
(20:32) They can take it to court.
(20:33) They can take it outside.
(20:35) It’s a safe place to say whatever you want to say.
(20:38) And we are here for that.
(20:39) You can say everything.
(20:41) But you gotta I gotta understand that the other side is is is hearing that.
(20:45) Mhmm.
(20:45) And maybe you will say something that will make him feel also stressed and upset and it’s okay.
(20:51) But then we can understand each other.
(20:53) But after we we are we are dealing with this, we are talking about the emotion, we’re taking everything out, then what is happening and we are putting our mind in the future, it will take a few a a week or two, a session or two or three or four.
(21:09) Basically, most of our process about ten hours Mhmm.
(21:12) Four or five meetings.
(21:13) This is the average Alright.
(21:14) Time that mediation process took.
(21:17) And then after you you you go to the end, you’ll you will feel that you can live in the past in the past.
(21:24) Yes.
(21:25) You can now look at the future.
(21:27) And you see from in front of you, someone else, Someone it is who is a part is a partner.
(21:34) Is the part is father or the mother of your children and is a partner.
(21:39) Because if you will be sick, he will be there for you.
(21:42) He will he will take the kids.
(21:44) And if you want to go to abroad and you got to stay stay more days in in work, he will be the the person that will help you.
(21:53) And if we understand this, that we are all together, we are just one unit, Just living In a different arrangement.
(22:00) Yeah.
(22:00) Exactly.
(22:01) Yes.
(22:01) In two houses.
(22:03) So if we understand that and we are now building it, it’s making the the the the parenthood so so enormous, so so significant because we may we took the biggest conflict in life.
(22:19) And we know people sometimes go to court and give up on managing their their kids.
(22:24) Yeah.
(22:24) But what what we are doing here, and every month, we are working with dozens of of people, couples all over the Israel, and also abroad because people are working with us from Zoom and video conference.
(22:40) And we see them in the start when they are afraid and full of a question marks and not know what to do.
(22:48) And they read about in in in Internet that it’s like this, like this, and it’s a war.
(22:52) And when they come to us and in the first meeting that we are keep doing for free.
(22:58) This is the first meeting that we are pip well, we are letting them know that we want to earn them trust their trust.
(23:07) So it’s a free meeting with no obligations.
(23:11) It’s a get to know us meeting.
(23:12) It’s a getting exactly.
(23:13) Yeah.
(23:14) So we explain about the process.
(23:16) We are we are answering all the questions.
(23:18) And only then after we we gain their trust.
(23:23) And it doesn’t important if they got trust to each other, it’s great, but it’s not but it this is not the significant the significant thing in the start.
(23:31) What is important that is that we will get the trust and they will get all the information that they will need, that we need in this trust us and they can trust the process.
(23:41) Exactly.
(23:41) Because I think sometimes what I see is that even during the process, you know, in the difficult moments, people might, you know, it it it can raise doubts.
(23:52) Mhmm.
(23:52) Because why are we doing this if we’re in the mediation room and we’re still, you know, discussing the difficult stuff and we’re still, you know, we have disagreements and it can write.
(24:02) But once you trust the process, then I think you know that, know, if you trust the mediator and you trust the process, then you can go through those difficult Exactly.
(24:14) You know, I keep teaching my my my students that you gotta trust the process which is very hard in the start because you don’t know what to do.
(24:24) And you we are living in a in our our western society is all the time where is making us all the time sync with a with a solving problems Mhmm.
(24:34) Answering answering questions.
(24:35) And it’s very hard to have for us just to be in the negotiation, to be in the process.
(24:41) We are all the time looking for the next thing.
(24:43) But sometimes, and divorce is a is this is is this time like that exactly that it takes times.
(24:51) It will take time.
(24:52) We don’t know exactly in the start what we want.
(24:55) And it’s okay.
(24:57) We need the time to think, to breathe, to relax, to look at the future.
(25:01) And we want people to to to be able to do that.
(25:04) Yeah.
(25:05) To because since the the it’s so important because what they will decide here will affect the rest of their life.
(25:13) And it’s very difficult, I think, that point in time when you’re in the crisis to look at the future and to think what do I want in life.
(25:24) And I think this is that’s why it’s a stepping stone.
(25:28) That’s why we start with that.
(25:30) Because if I don’t know where I wanna be in three years and five years and oftentimes, and I say it a lot I don’t know if it’s I say it a lot with with women in the process that oftentimes and not everyone.
(25:46) I mean, oftentimes, there is such concern about about the economy about, you know, how am I gonna provide?
(25:57) How am I going to be independent?
(26:00) And it the the shadow of this is so big that people cannot think, you know, getting divorces is expensive.
(26:08) And living in two houses can be frightening.
(26:11) You know, sometimes you have to make changes, economic changes in your lives, but and and people just cannot see in the crisis what their lives are gonna look like and how especially how they want it to look like.
(26:25) And I think when we start with this and we give it the time to think about these questions, That’s it’s a big stepping stone.
(26:35) It’s a big one.
(26:36) Because if you don’t know, then you don’t know where you’re going.
(26:38) You need to you know, you choose the paths according to the direction that you wanna you wanna go.
(26:44) It’s like Alice in Wonderland.
(26:46) When she walk down the path and she going to and she she just add in a the mushrooms experience and she was very we with the misoriented.
(26:59) Yes.
(26:59) And she going to a crossroad and she can go turn to turn right or left and she don’t know.
(27:05) And then she see the cat Yeah.
(27:07) At Chester.
(27:07) Chester.
(27:08) Yeah.
(27:08) Chester, I think.
(27:09) And she asking me where to go?
(27:13) And he asking her, where do you wanna go?
(27:16) And she says, I don’t know.
(27:18) So she’s so he said, well, it doesn’t matter where you turn, you will get there.
(27:23) So in this when when people are in a crisis and that, you know, it doesn’t matter if it’s divorce or in a family or any crisis, if you don’t know where you’re going, you will go into you you you will get lost.
(27:34) You’ll get lost.
(27:35) You can go in circles and get nowhere.
(27:37) Exactly.
(27:37) And then when people are in circles, this is hard because we are see we are we’re having kids in the house.
(27:43) Yes.
(27:44) And we are if we are in a in a if if we don’t know what we are doing, they see it and they see the stress, they feel the stress and And it’s a it becomes a vicious circle because it’s feeding, you know, the stress feeds itself.
(27:57) Yeah.
(27:57) And that’s this is why it’s it’s so important, I think, this part of the process where we defined where we define our our objectives, where we’re going at.
(28:09) And we see that the the road is you know, even if we go in two paths, we’re going to the same place.
(28:17) And the roads are sometimes parallel, but at the end Because it’s the same kids.
(28:21) Because it’s the same kids.
(28:22) And they’re going to the same way.
(28:24) And at the end of the day, parents always want the same thing for their kids.
(28:28) Yeah.
(28:28) Even if they’re on individual, their their goals individual goals for themselves are are different.
(28:35) For the kids, it’s always the connecting plan.
(28:37) Yeah.
(28:37) We we maybe we don’t want we don’t think together how we’re gonna get there.
(28:44) Yes.
(28:44) But everyone want their kids to have a good life, to be healthy, to be happy, to be to study in a good place To have a comfort life.
(28:53) To have a comfort life.
(28:54) Feel that comfort Everybody want that.
(28:56) And we are when we are putting this on the basis Yeah.
(29:00) Then and we are making the parents work together on that, they can do it Yes.
(29:04) A lot easier.
(29:05) Now, I wanna say about our process that we also help with the kids.
(29:10) Mhmm.
(29:11) Sometimes, how to to talk to the kids.
(29:13) Sometimes, let’s manage all the the the separation process because people are coming to us when they are living.
(29:20) Most people people, not everybody, come to us when they are living the same place.
(29:25) Yeah.
(29:25) When they still live together.
(29:26) And what we are doing during the process is help them doing the separation.
(29:30) Mhmm.
(29:30) Moving to two places or nesting where How do we tell the children?
(29:35) What do we tell the children?
(29:36) When do we tell the children?
(29:37) Exactly.
(29:37) So we are we are we and them holding hands all the time from the first meeting when we gain the trust till the time that we make the goals, then until they’re doing the what to find the solutions Mhmm.
(29:53) To even to to the kids, to the separation, to the agreement getting written and getting signed by the court.
(29:59) We are there all the time.
(30:01) The hallway.
(30:02) So we will are you so you will know all the time that there is someone with you that can help you talk, making understand.
(30:09) We don’t take the decision for you.
(30:12) We’re just helping you making your own decisions, saving your family, saving the money.
(30:17) It’s also important.
(30:18) Our process is a lot cheaper than every other process.
(30:22) We are keep doing it because since we are working all over the Israel Israel, we are managing to do the prices that can everybody can afford, especially if you were you were you put it against the the court.
(30:35) It’s it’s a Uncomparable.
(30:37) Uncon Uncomparable.
(30:40) Uncomparable.
(30:41) Okay.
(30:41) I I said I said, I got the only when I’m in New York, it’s like a or or in Europe.
(30:48) Day two and I starting to see to think in English.
(30:51) But, you know, when I’m talking Hebrew all the time, it’s I I’m sorry.
(30:55) But we gotta start with what what we gotta do it since we are working we we are going up.
(31:01) Yes.
(31:01) We are putting we are doing more things outside of the same country.
(31:06) I wouldn’t know.
(31:07) I wanna say something about this also.
(31:09) Mhmm.
(31:09) Because mediation is not just a divorce mediation.
(31:14) Mediation is a is a method of life.
(31:18) And I will settle to to the camera because I I I really want people to understand what we are doing here and this is something for my heart.
(31:25) Mediation is for me, it’s a way of life that will make that can make people work together, not against each other.
(31:36) Because I don’t believe that if I will get more, you will get less.
(31:40) I believe that if we will both work together, we will both get more.
(31:46) And this is what we are teaching.
(31:47) This is what we are doing.
(31:48) This is our way.
(31:50) And I believe, I know that during these times when there is all this pressure and fake news and all these politicians that are trying to to put that against put us against each other, We need a mediation process.
(32:07) We need a new partnership mediation for a method to help us people work together.
(32:13) This is why we are doing the mediation course online that everybody all over the world and you can also do the mediation course.
(32:21) It will happen in the new effect of a few next few months also in Arabic, in Russian, in Spanish, in Chinese.
(32:29) You can all all do the these courses all the in all the languages because what we are what what we are trying to do and what we believe that we will do is to make a universal language that can make all the people.
(32:44) It doesn’t matter if what your nationality or gender or beliefs are.
(32:49) Everybody as a purse as every all the persons can work together if we are putting what is combined us and we all also all want good life for us, for the kids.
(33:02) And if we are starting to work from that, we can do great things.
(33:05) And this is what we are doing.
(33:07) This is why it was so important for me to do this podcast in English.
(33:11) Not just for our people that audience that is getting divorced and looking for the best mediators that can help them do to to to the best process.
(33:23) But also for all the people that are looking and understand that in these days, we need to build a community.
(33:30) We need to build a society that can talk to each other, can walk with each other, and really make the people have a a better life.
(33:39) So this is why it was so important.
(33:41) This is why what why we are so proud in our job.
(33:46) It’s not a job.
(33:47) It’s a it’s a quest.
(33:48) It’s a it’s a life mission mission life mission.
(33:51) Exactly.
(33:52) And it becomes it’s rewarding.
(33:54) It’s rewarding.
(33:55) It’s really rewarding.
(33:57) And like I said, I’ve been working with people in different situations for twenty years.
(34:03) But and and people ask me why now?
(34:06) Why mediation?
(34:07) You know, why do you wanna work with people in crisis?
(34:09) And I’m like, I think this is the first time that I see a process that actually yields results, positive results and such a positive effect on on people’s lives.
(34:26) And it doesn’t take much.
(34:29) It doesn’t it doesn’t take much.
(34:31) It takes, you know, it it really just about bringing people to sit down, listen, and talk.
(34:38) Yeah.
(34:39) And be able to talk to each other.
(34:41) Yeah.
(34:43) Okay.
(34:45) It’s a it was I gotta say it was very very not good and very Challenging?
(34:58) Not challenging.
(34:59) It was Nargesh.
(35:02) Exciting?
(35:02) Exciting.
(35:03) Okay.
(35:04) I just and just one one in English.
(35:06) In Hebrew.
(35:07) It was very exciting for me to do the same podcast English.
(35:10) It’s the first one.
(35:11) Mhmm.
(35:12) I believe there will be a lot more because we are wanna spread we wanna spread our world and our mission all over the world.
(35:19) Yeah.
(35:20) And they will do.
(35:21) And this is why my my third good teacher told me in English, you gotta learn English so you can do good things.
(35:29) So in so to the world.
(35:30) As I so She she was right.
(35:33) And I wanna thank thank you, Anat, for coming here.
(35:37) And if you wanna meet me or Anat, Hebrew Hebrew English, and we also got the French mediators in the in the in the office, and we are working with other mediation mediators with other languages that you can come and we’ll be very happy, very happy to help you.
(35:57) And for the audience also, I will ask you, please share this video, share this podcast.
(36:04) Let us help us come to other people that can use our Spread the good.
(36:10) Spread the good.
(36:11) Spread the good.
(36:12) Exactly.
(36:12) Help us do that.
(36:14) Do a put put a follow-up in Facebook or Twitter and a podcast.
(36:20) And all of you you can send this podcast and People have questions?
(36:26) Yes.
(36:26) Issues that they want us to discuss?
(36:28) You can you can write us.
(36:29) Exactly.
(36:30) You can write us to us and to to make more English Okay.
(36:35) Or It’s a good idea.
(36:37) It’s a good idea.
(36:38) If you got any questions, send them to us and we will do it also in English.
(36:41) There will lot of episode in Hebrew with a lot of answers, but we can do everything in English.
(36:47) It will be also good.
(36:48) Just let us know what you want and we will do it.
(36:52) And visit our website davnishri.co.il and nishrimediators.com.
(36:58) There is two website, one for the school and the civil mediation and one for the divorce mediation.
(37:04) And thank you for listening or watching.
(37:07) And goodbye.
(37:09) And next see you next time.
(37:10) See you next time.
(37:10) Take a lot.